Some of the beliefs passive aggressive people hold are:
- I am self-sufficient, but I do need others to help me reach my goals.
- The only way I can preserve my self-respect is by asserting myself indirectly, for example, by not carrying out instructions exactly, or by not bathing, or being compliant with social mores and expectations.
- I like to be attached to people but I am unwilling to pay the price of being dominated.
- Authority figures tend to be intrusive, demanding, interfering, and controlling.
- I have to resist the domination of authorities but at the same time maintain their approval and acceptance.
- Being controlled or dominated by others is intolerable.
- Making deadlines, complying with demands, and conforming are direct blows to my pride and self-sufficiency.
- If I follow the rules the way people expect, it will inhibit my freedom of action.
- It is best not to express my anger directly but to show my displeasure by not conforming, by not bathing, or by not complying with what is acceptable behavior.
- I know what's best for me and other people shouldn't tell me what to do.
- Rules are arbitrary and stifle me.
- Other people are often too demanding.
- If I regard people as too bossy, I have a right to disregard their demands.
Spouses may rail and rant and threaten the non-bathing spouse, tempt them with sex if the partner agrees to bathe, or ignore them entirely. But the root issue - the passive aggressive personality disorder, is not corrected. The issue lies deeper than getting them to bathe. You must get them into therapy and professional counseling or decide to leave them. You are in for a long, hard journey and even worse symptoms as they begin to confront their pain and their mental health issues.